Why Your Pleasure Matters Too! 

By Matilda at My Devilish Desires

Here’s a scenario that might feel all too familiar: the heat building, passion peaks, and then BOOM he’s finished. He exhales, rolls over, and hits you with the “Sorry, babe,” as if that’s the end of the story. And you? You’re left hanging, feeling frustrated, unsatisfied, and maybe even a little unheard. 

If this sounds like your reality, it’s time to talk. Because sex doesn’t have to be over just because the penetrative method is temporarily exhausted.  

The Problem with “Sorry, Babe” 

In many relationships, especially in straight cis couples, sex tends to follow a specific formula: penetration, climax (usually his), and… end scene. According to the Gottman Institute, this imbalance can lead to resentment, dissatisfaction, and emotional disconnect over time. 

But let’s make one thing clear: your pleasure isn’t optional. It’s not a bonus or an afterthought. It’s an equal part of the experience and it deserves attention, even if your partner has already reached their finish line. 

What Needs to Change? 

For many couples, the issue isn’t that the partner who finishes first doesn’t care, it’s that they don’t realise there’s another option. They’ve never been told that sex doesn’t stop when penetration does. Maybe they think their role is done once they’ve climaxed, or maybe they assume you’ll handle the rest yourself. And quite honestly, even just them playing a role in that, for example using fingers while you masturbate manually/with a toy it still counts! 

As Dr. Justin Lehmiller from Sex and Psychology explains, open communication is essential to overcoming these barriers. Many people hesitate to talk about their needs, fearing it’ll sound like criticism. But when approached with curiosity and collaboration, these conversations can deepen intimacy and improve your connection, that’s both in and out of the bedroom. 

Intimacy Is a Two-Way Street 

Here’s a radical idea: just because one of you finishes doesn’t mean it’s game over. There are so many ways to make sure both of you leave the moment feeling fulfilled. Maybe your partner stays involved with their hands, their mouth, or even cheering you on while you take the lead with a toy. The “how” doesn’t matter as much as the fact that they’re showing up for you, even after they’ve crossed the finish line.  

And if they’re not sure how to help? Let them know. Say, “Hey, I’d love if you’d stay and help me finish.” It doesn’t have to be awkward or confrontational, it’s just about bringing them into the moment with you. 

Why This Matters 

When one partner consistently finishes and the other doesn’t, as we discussed earlier- it creates an imbalance, not just physically, but emotionally too. Over time, that imbalance can lead to frustration, insecurity, or even resentment. Articles like Verywell Mind’s guide to sexual communication emphasise that mutual satisfaction isn’t just about orgasms...it’s about building trust, closeness, and shared joy in your intimate life. 

When both partners are committed to prioritising each other’s pleasure, the experience becomes less about reaching the end and more about enjoying the journey together. 

What to Say (and How to Say It) 

If your partner’s response to being finished is usually “Sorry, babe,” this is your chance to rewrite the story. Next time, try saying: 

You’re not being demanding; you’re inviting them to explore more ways to connect and please each other. Chances are, they’ll want to help once they realise it’s not about “what they didn’t do” but rather about how they can do more together. 

Final Thoughts 

Sex is supposed to be about connection, and that connection doesn’t end when one of you is finished. If your partner tends to check out after they’re done, it’s time to start a conversation, not with blame or frustration, but with curiosity and honesty. 

Your pleasure matters, too. And the best way to make sure it’s prioritised? Speak up. You deserve a partner who’s just as invested in your satisfaction as they are in their own. 

Because sex isn’t about just one person...it’s about both of you, together. 

Further Reading 

If you want a wonderful reason to bring this up outside of the bedroom, why not spice things up and explore our vibrators to introduce into your intimate time. 

With a wink and a devilish grin, My Devilish Desires