Picture this: You’re a brat who loves pushing limits and testing the waters. Your partner? A soft Dom who prefers calm, steady leadership. At first, it seems like a perfect match..opposites attract, right? But as time goes on, you start feeling like you must tone yourself down to keep the peace, while they feel like they must step up in ways that don’t feel natural.
This isn’t just a hypothetical, it’s a common issue in relationships- especially in the kink community. When dynamics don’t align, one (or both) people end up suppressing who they really are, and that’s where resentment starts to build.
So, let’s talk about why finding the right kind of partner isn’t just about attraction, but about finding someone who lets you express your role fully.
When Opposites Don’t Always Attract
The idea that opposites attract works in some ways- sure, a brat and a soft Dom might balance each other out in daily life. But when it comes to core relationship dynamics, having wildly different needs can lead to constant friction.
Take the scenario we just described:
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A brat’s instinct is to push, tease, and challenge authority in a playful way.
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A soft Dom’s instinct is to lead gently, with patience and guidance.
At first, they might adjust for each other. The brat holds back from being too much, worried they’ll overwhelm their Dom. The Dom pushes themselves to be stricter, despite preferring a softer approach.
The problem? Neither person is being their full, natural self.
Over time, this leads to feeling like you have to change to make the relationship work.
Your Dynamic Should Feel Like Home, Not a Performance
In healthy relationships, especially in kink..partners should feel safe to lean into their role, not suppress it. A brat shouldn’t have to filter their playful resistance just to keep the peace. A soft Dom shouldn’t have to pretend to be stricter than they are just to satisfy their partner.
The best relationships aren’t about sacrificing who you are to make things “work.” They’re about finding someone who fits your energy naturally.
Instead of: “How can I adjust myself to make this work?”
Try: “Does this person allow me to express my role fully?”
This doesn’t mean you need a perfect mirror match, but it does mean that your styles should be compatible.
How to Find a Partner Who Lets You Be You
If you’re currently struggling in a dynamic that doesn’t feel natural, here’s how to reassess:
Ask yourself: Do I feel like I have to hold back in this relationship? Do I see my partner struggling to meet my needs in a way that feels unnatural for them? Have we talked openly about what comes naturally vs. what feels forced?
At the end of the day, you deserve a relationship where your role isn’t something you have to suppress, it’s something you get to embrace.
You Deserve Alignment, Not Adjustment
The best relationships- whether kinky or vanilla- are the ones where you can be yourself fully. Finding the right partner means choosing someone whose natural dynamic complements yours, not someone who requires constant compromise.
So if you’ve ever felt like you had to tone yourself down or turn yourself up to make a dynamic work...maybe it’s time to rethink the fit.
And if you're looking to explore your dynamic more freely, well… you already know where to start. Find what fits you best here.
With a wink and a devilish grin,
Matilda at My Devilish Desires